Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
