So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
honey bunches of taint.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
