my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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