That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
