Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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