it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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