why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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