Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Less talking, more tequila
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
my liver is dry heaving
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
