don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
