You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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