I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
