The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
