If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
