spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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