Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
