I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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