And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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