I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize