I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's official drugs can't kill me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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