I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
