I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
