the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
