where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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