Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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