My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
