i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Everything about him screamed your future.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
