So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i think i just lost a toe
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
