Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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