Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
