So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
