No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize