I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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