I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
