So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
