I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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