he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
