im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
