don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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