I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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