You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
