The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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