Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
