I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
