At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize