I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
