Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
