it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
