How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
