Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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