Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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