it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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