ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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