we're blogging at a bar
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
