Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
