Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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