I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
