oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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