9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
