Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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