I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
