even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
