Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
