fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
