I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize