Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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