i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
