Those balls look pretty dangerous.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
