remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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