I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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