so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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