just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
