I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
