Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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