I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
