I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
