I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize