matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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